If you have been affected by someone else’s sexual behavior, you can find help in S-Anon, whether or not that person seeks recovery from sexual addiction.
We find it does not matter a great deal whether that person was a member of our birth family, a partner, spouse, child, or someone outside the family like a friend, teacher, religious leader, or boss. It does not matter whether we were willing, unwilling, or unknowing participants in the relationship – sexual addiction deeply affected our lives.
Please take a moment to ask yourself the questions below to help you decide whether you can benefit from what S-Anon has to offer. Further information which may also help you decide whether S-Anon is for you may be found by reading more about the common characteristics of S-Anon members.
Teenagers should use the S-Ateen checklist.
- Have you felt hurt or embarrassed by someone’s sexual conduct?
- Have you secretly searched for clues about someone’s sexual behavior?
- Have you lied about or covered up another person’s sexual conduct?
- Have you had money problems because of someone’s sexual behavior?
- Have you felt betrayed or abandoned by someone you loved and trusted?
- Are you afraid to upset the sex addict for fear that he or she will leave you?
- Have you tried to control somebody’s sexual thoughts or behavior by doing things like throwing away pornography, dressing suggestively, or being sexual with them in order to keep them from being sexual with others?
- Have you used sex to try to keep peace in a relationship?
- Have you tried to convince yourself that someone else’s sexual thoughts and behavior shouldn’t bother you?
- Have you felt that sex plays an all-consuming role in your relationship?
- Have you doubted your attractiveness, your emotions, and your sanity?
- Have you felt responsible for the sexual behavior of another person?
- Have you felt angry and/or stupid for not knowing about someone’s sexual acting out behavior?
- Have you engaged in uncomfortable, unwanted, or physically dangerous sexual behavior?
- Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide because of someone’s sexual behavior?
- Has your preoccupation with someone’s sexual thoughts and behavior affected your relationships with your children, your co-workers, and/or other friends or family members?
- Have you neglected your physical and/or emotional health while in a relationship?
- Have you helped someone get out of jail or other legal trouble, or feared legal action as a result of his or her sexual behavior?
- Have you blamed other people, such as friends or sexual partners, society in general, his/her job, religion, or birth family for someone’s sexual behavior?
- Have you felt confused about what is true when talking with someone about his or her sexual thoughts or behavior?
- Have you avoided painful emotions by using drugs, alcohol, or food or by being too busy?
- Have you ever felt that someone was inappropriately attracted to you or your children?
- Have you felt alone or too ashamed to ask for help?
If you can answer “yes” to some of these questions, you may find help in S-Anon.
Reprinted with permission of S-Anon International Family Groups Inc., Nashville, TN. Compliance with S-Anon International Family Groups, Inc.’s copyrights and trademarks is required.